How to tell them that you are a god
by Elisea
Summary: AU. Joxer’s live isn’t what it seems to be. One day he decided to tell them about who he really is. Mild Slash Ares/Joxer


Summary: AU. Joxer's live isn't what it seems to be. One day he decided to tell them about who he really is. Mild Slash Ares/Joxer

Warnings: AU Slash, Gabrielle, Xena and Hercules bashing

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**How to tell them that you're a God**

"Get up!" Gabrielle yelled at me. 'Seems like it will be a day like every other, and the weather seems to get along with my feelings'. The sky was grey and dull. The air smelled like it was going to rain soon.'

Before I even finished that last thought it started raining. 'Just great, another day with those two, and I even get rain to make it better'. I slowly get up. Don't want to look like I'm able to move much. Not after that hit on my back that I got from Gabby yesterday. I gathered my things even slower.

"Come one, don't be so slow."

'Ugh, if Gabrielle already has a bad mood then the day is going to be hell.' I just finished packing up. When I looked around I saw that Xena and Gabrielle had already left. 'Just great, I hope that my day is going to come soon. I really don't want to follow them like a puppy anymore. Okay, so I never did, but if I didn't then my plan wouldn't I just have to hang on a little longer'

When I finally reach them I get welcomed by a 'Finally' from Xena and a hit on my head from Gabby. 'I think that I can get them a little more irritated.'

_Joxer the Mighty  
Roams through the countryside  
He never needs a place to hide  
With Gabby as his sidekick  
Fighting with her little stick  
Righting wrongs and singing songs  
Being mighty all day long  
He's Joxer—he's Joxer the Mighty!_

_Ooohhhh-_

Just when I wanted to start the second one Xena interrupted me. 'Be quiet, there is someone coming our way.

It turned out to be Hercules and Iolaus. I like Iolaus. He's the only one who knows a little about me. It happened like this:

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_I was walking down the road, singing to keep up my appearance of an idiot._

_Joxer the Mighty  
He's very tidy  
everyone admires him  
He's so handsome it's a sin  
when you're in jeopardy  
don't call the cavalry__-_

_I stopped singing. I could see a group of people down the road. Being a little paranoid I moved of the road and into the forest. I went over to the group to hear what they were doing. When I reached them I recognized Iolaus. It didn't look like the rest of them were his friends so I waited a little to see what would happen._

"_Tell me where Hercules is"_

"_No!"_

"_Tell me!"_

"_No!"_

"_Okay, your decision."_

_Two of the man suddenly stepped closer and took a hold of Iolaus' arms. The bigger man, who was obviously the leader kicked Iolaus. He kept hitting and kicking him until he was on the ground. The moment he took his sword I decided that I had seen enough and that it was time for me to interfere. _

_I stepped out of the bushes. "Let him go"_

"_And who might you be? Oh well, never mind. Guys! Kill him!"_

_Before even one of them could reach for their sword I jumped forward and kicked one knock out. The others came out of the shock of seeing me jump so fast. Two of them ran at me, hoping they could hit me and give the others some time to take their swords and think of a way of attacking. Both of them came from the other side so all I had to do was duck and they knocked each other out. The last three who finally had taken a hold of their sword attacked. I swiftly took them out without even removing their swords. _

_The leader who looked a little afraid by now almost whimpered "You win this time but I'll be back, I'll be back!" It was almost funny seeing him threaten someone while he was shacking with fear._

_When the entire group ran away I sat down besides Iolaus. "Jett? No, Joxer?" Iolaus almost couldn't believe it. "Joxer just took out a group of bandits? Joxer who always stumbles, falls or makes a fool out of himself? That Joxer?"_

"_Iolaus?" I softly asked. _

"_Yes Joxer?"_

"_Can you please not mention this to anyone? Not even Hercules?"_

"_Why? You're obviously not as much of a fool as I thought you are"_

"_I know that, but now is not the time to tell you these things. I'll explain it when the time is right."_

"_Okay, but your reason has to be a good one."_

"_It is Iolaus, it is."_

_--------------------------------_

Ever since that day, Iolaus has been treating me like a friend. He doesn't stands up for me because it would raise to many questions. He would talk to me when we're alone, of when we are walking in the back.

Hercules only talks about how bad the gods are, and that they all should die. Except Zeus of course, cause Zeus is the only one that does what Hercules asks of him. I never talked back to him, not even when he or anyone else badmouthed the things a hold dear. Right now he and Xena are trying to figure out where the hinds blood dagger is. Hoping that they could at least kill Ares.

Don't they know that all the gods are needed? Okay maybe not all of them but a large part is. Take Ares as an example. If he wouldn't do his job then everyone would fight, well, everyone. Even after the episode that Ares lost his powers, Xena still didn't think that he was needed.

When the sun was about to go down, we set camp. Well I didn't because they don't trust me enough to make something that isn't dangerous in one way or another. The entire day I had to hear about Hercules and Xena thinking of ways to kill the gods. Gabrielle sometimes said something but wonder by wonder she was silent most of the time.

Iolaus just rolled his eyes about every 5 minutes. Showing how much he thought that they were idiots.

'I decided that today is the day, didn't I? Well then I can finally tell them what I think. This is going to be fun!'

"Don't you know anything about war?" I asked Hercules.

"Of course I do, I obviously know more about it then you do"

"No you don't, if you would then you wouldn't try to kill Ares."

"Are you defending Ares? I know that you worship him, cause you want to be a warrior, but defend him?"

"I'm not defending him, he can do that himself. What I want to tell you is that war is necessary"

"No it isn't. It's cruel and mean, and it causes a lot of anger and sadness."

"That may be so but what-"

Before I could finish my sentence I got hit on the head by Gabrielle. "Look Joxer, we don't care what you think. You're an idiot, who doesn't know anything. It's not like you know what war is al about, when you can't even fight, let alone walk for a mile without falling."

"You may not want to know, but I do." Ares' voice sounded before he appeared in a flash.

"Ares!" Xena and Hercules yelled together. "What are you doing here?"

"You have been talking about me the entire day, I just want to know what you think. Well I know what you three think, what Iolaus thinks doesn't really matter, but I want to know what Joxer thinks about me and war."

"I think that-"

"Joxer, no!" Xena interrupted me before I could even say four words. "Don't you see that he's using you to get to me?"

"Oh please, not everything is about you"

I think that the sarcasm I used shocked them. "If my god wants to know what I think then I shall tell him"

"Maybe I should tell you everything. Look at it as a long bedtime story."

"You're finally going to tell everything? I have been thinking about it for months now." Iolaus sure looked happy about it.

"Yes, I think I will."

"Just what is he talking about?" Xena asked.

"I don't know but it probably won't be interesting, knowing Joxer, it's probably a story about how he finally caught the first fish in his live, or something."

It didn't surprise me that Gabby had a reaction like that.

Ares started to look a little annoyed. "If you don't shut up now, and let Joxer do his story then I'll make you shut up."

"Why are you so interested in Joxer anyway?" Xena just couldn't shut up could she?

"Joxer is on of my most loyal followers. He never asks anything in his prayers, he thanks me everyday for keeping the war out of his path. He gives me a lot of power. Even if he never asks for everything, I still make sure that no follower of mine attacks en if they do then they aren't allowed to severely hurt him."

"You did all of that for me?" 'I couldn't believe it. I pray to him for two reasons. One of them is keeping up appearance. The second is that I truly love him. Every time I'm in his presence I get this weird feeling in my stomach. Every time he speaks I get-'

BANG another hit on my head. "Of course he didn't do it for you, you idiot. The only reason why he would protect you is because he gets a lot of his power from you. Every time you pray to him he gets more powerful."

'Xena just can't help it, can she? Every time someone does something nice to me, she just breaks it all down. Doesn't she think that even I'm allowed to be happy?'

"Enough!"

'Oh oh, Ares really seems angry now.'

"I told you to shut up. But can you do that? Noo, you just keep on talking. If I want to hear this story this evening then I just have to make sure that you shut up."

With a wave of his hand, everyone lost their voice, except me of course. With another wave of his hand, he made two comfortable chairs, and changed my clothes to tight leather pants and a cream colored shirt. "Aah much better, Joxer, if you could start now please?"

'Wait, did Ares God of War, Son of Zeus, just said please?'

'Never mind, I think it's better if I just start talking now'

"I think I best start with introducing myself again." I started my story. The other four sat down around the fire. Iolaus looked happy, finally learning about who I really am. The other three just looked annoyed and unhappy. And they looked like they wanted to say something. 'Ah, the silence, so enjoyable."

"My name isn't Joxer. I'm not even Greek."

'Everyone looked shocked about it, didn't they ever see that my eyes look different? Probably not'

"I'm Tyr, the son of Montoe. He's the Egyptian god of war."

(A/n I know that Tyr isn't an Egyptian name, but I thought it sounded good (it means war and justice))

"Yes I'm a god, but I didn't have any godly powers until about a week ago."

To prove that I really am a god I made another chair for Iolaus to sit on.

"My grandfather, king of the gods, Ra decided that it was time to make a bridge between the Greek gods and the Egyptian gods. He wanted to do that by giving a minor god to the Greek god's. As you would have probably guessed by now, that was me."

"He hoped that I could fall in love with a god, and the marriage would make a bridge. But of course I first had to learn about Greece itself. So he made me an immortal, without any godly powers. I still had my fighting knowledge, but nothing else."

"I had to travel three years around Greece. The first week I met Xena and Gabrielle. I decided that it would be great if I didn't have to travel alone. I couldn't let anyone know that I'm a god so I had to create a personage that is very unlikely to do anything good."

Ares looked quite shocked. 'Joxer is a god? Why didn't I know that? I should have discovered it somehow. Was I to busy with Xena to really notice Joxer? Probably. I only started noticing him a couple of months ago.'

"So Joxer was born. The people you know as Jett and Jace are my brothers. They still have their godly powers and decided that they should check up on me once in a while. My grandfather probably ordered it."

"So I travelled with you guys. I met a lot of gods and goddesses. I wanted to learn as much as I could about them but with your biased comments I couldn't. That's the reason that I left sometimes. In those weeks I travelled alone. I visited temples and asked the priests to tell me about their god."

"Ares interested me the most. I discovered that he was one of the most important god's. If there isn't a god of war then people would fight everyone they meet. Without war no peace. Without thinning the population, there will be famines. And I don't know about you, but dying in a battle protection your country is a lot better then dying from a lack of food."

"Around that time I started praying to Ares. I thought it was the best thing to do. Joxer wanted to desperately be a warrior so the best god to pray to was the God of War. It started as just a cover.-"

Ares looked like he was going to say something. "Joxer, no Tyr, I-"

"Wait, Ares. Please let me finish my story before you say something." I looked at him, almost like a kicked puppy. It was a look that I mastered in the last few years.

"Fine"

"As I was saying, it started out as just a cover. Traveling with Xena had an advantage: I often met Ares. And even if he didn't notice me I learned more about him. I started to like him. He was obviously very powerful. And don't forget handsome."

I looked over to Ares. He just sat there, shocked.

"Maybe it was the war in me, but I doubted it. Every time I saw him, I fell more and more in love with him. I was afraid to tell him. He didn't know the real me and without my godly powers I was powerless if he would become angry."

"I visited more of his temples. In a weird way they looked like home. They welcomed me in their dark shadows."

"So the years went on and on. I traveled with you guys. I made it a game of seeing how annoyed and irritated I could get you. A couple of months ago I rescued Iolaus from a group of bandits. He normally should have beaten them if they hadn't caught him by surprise. I mad him promise me that he wouldn't tell anybody, not even you, Hercules."

"I'm glad that he didn't tell you, you would probably have laughed it away, saying that me saving him was a dream or something."

"Now I finally have told you a little about my past I just need to say a little more to Ares, in private."

I got up, walked over to Ares and hold out my hand. He took it. His hands were soft. I walked into the forest, pulling him behind me. After a couple of minutes I decided that we were alone.

I turned around to face him. He just looked at me, his eyes full of questions. But he didn't speak. I dropped on my knees.

"Ares, my Lord, I'm sorry for deceiving you. I have used you for my plan and I wish to apologize. I will accept any punishment you have for me."

'Why am I so submissive? Every time I'm in his presence I do whatever he wants me to do. I normally am more dominant against the people around me, but Ares just changes everything about me.'

Ares didn't know what was happening. Punish him? No, no, no. That's not what he wanted. "Okay, I have one for you." He looked down on me.

The pause made me nervous. "I will accept anything."

"Is that so? Then get up and kiss me."

"Wha-".I didn't get any further. He reached down, put his hand under my chin, forced me up and looked at me.

"Beautiful" he said, before his lips touched mine. Apparently he liked it cause he soon demanded entry. If this was a punishment, then I was in heaven.

When I didn't open my mouth fast enough he bit down on my lower lip. The gasp I made gave him the opportunity to enter my mouth.

'Oh god, I'm in heaven.' My knees started buckling, and I just melted against him. After a couple of minutes he pulled back. I couldn't stop a moan from disappointment. He holds on to me. He too, noticed that I couldn't stand up on my own.

"Tyr, look at me." His voice was soft but demanding. I looked into his eyes, thinking that I would see hate and anger. But there wasn't a trace of those emotions in those beautiful eyes. They where filled with love and affection. He even looked a little worried.

"Maybe we should get back to the others." When I wanted to complain he said: "only long enough to give them back their voice. After that we can get to Olympus. I like to get to know the real you, Tyr."

I was shocked. He wanted to get to know me? Me of all people?

This time he took my hand and pulled me back towards camp.

The moment we got there we where almost attacked by them. Iolaus was still sitting in his chair, looking happy. With a wave of my hand I gave them back their voice. Afterwards that may not have been the best idea.

"Where have you been? Do you really think that I believe that stupid story of yours, I don't-" Gabrielle yelled at us. She looked like she wanted to hit me, but I'm glad that she was smart enough not to do that.

"You're all goody goody with my idiotic family, aren't you? I can't believe I trusted you, that I told you my plans, I'm sure that you told the gods everything. I-" Hercules, paranoid as ever. What did he mean, tell me all his plans, he told them to everyone if they wanted it or not.

"Joxer, you're an idiot, don't you see that Ares brainwashed you. Can't you see that he is using you to get to me." Ugh, not everything is about you Xena, don't YOU get that.

Iolaus just remained silent while the others yelled at Ares and me. When the others stopped talking he said: "your story was worth the waiting Tyr, I'm glad to be your friend, and I'm here if you need me."

This of course brought for another round of insults.

"Enough" Ares couldn't take it anymore. "We are leaving and I can't believe that you just can't be happy for your friend. At least Iolaus and I like him. I even love him."

Xena almost laughed. "You? Love someone? Get real Ares, you don't love anyone, you just use them."

Ares didn't say anything. I was surprised cause normally he would defend himself. And he did, just not the way I expected him to.

He turned to me, looked at me with so much love in his eyes and kissed me. Not a demanding kiss. No, it was a kiss of love between lovers. It was sweet and for the second time this evening I melted against him. After a minute he pulled back and hugged me. Looking over my shoulder he glared at the rest of them.

"I'll make your live hell, Xena, Gabby, Hercules. You can bet on that. Be prepared for a long, painful live."

"Oh and Iolaus, if you want to visit us, just yell for me"

He embraced me a little tighter and transported us to his main temple on Olympus.

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